


Meanwhile,

by fowo



Series: fowo's TMNT universe [2]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Drabbles, Family Feels, Other, in-betweens, no beta i am a pleb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23213680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fowo/pseuds/fowo
Summary: Vignettes of the "This Whole Situation" fam. Probably doesn't make much sense without reading that too/first. Anything that didn't make the final cut, or isn't exactly canon, or stuff I ended up writing to distract myself from writing the main story, as well as prompts from twitter/tumblr.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT)
Series: fowo's TMNT universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648024
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43





	1. The Unlikeliness of Tattoos

**Author's Note:**

> Initially cut from chapter 7 and then elaborated on because I really, really liked it.
> 
> The chapter title was "Shell Embellishments As A Bonding Ritual Between Terrapin Mutants, by Donatello Hamato" but apparently that was too long? Pfft.

Mikey had always used his plastron as a means to express himself. He had his brothers put their signatures on it (in sharpie, which meant it took a few weeks at least for them to grow out) and liked to put stickers all over it as well. But that was Mikey being the artistic brother, and they hadn't really put any thought into it.

After Mikey drew calligraphy all over Raph's shell in an attempt to make him feel better about himself, the possibility of them decorating and bedazzle their most prominent feature didn't really leave them. They wore clothes (if they could fit into them, which could be troublesome especially for Raphael) and they had their favorite colors, but that was about it as far as expression of the self went. Now, they realized that painting their shells was a sort of body modification they could do—like other people might change their hair style or color. 

Mikey kept lamenting, actually, that _he_ was the artist and that probably meant he would draw for his brothers but wouldn't be able to get anything himself on account of them "sucking at art," as he put it.

None of his brothers argued, but all three rushed to assure him they would find a way. 

"You could draw something and we could project it onto your shell with a projector," Donnie suggested in a stroke of genius. "You would have to account for the curvature of the dome, of course..."

"I could draw!" said Leo quickly. "If it's just tracing, I can do it."

Mikey looked happy (and maybe just because his brothers cared so damn much and not so much the result) and Raph felt a distinct pulling of unease in his stomach as he realized that he wouldn't be able to contribute anything. And that after Mikey had been the one who had endured Raph's temper, and then sat with him throughout the entire afternoon, scrubbing him clean and then drawing all over him. 

His nostrils flared as he stared at his feet, feeling guilty and useless.

"You can sit with me," said Mikey to him, as if Raph had actually _voiced_ these feelings and not just thought them. "And play Animal Crossing with me or something. I'll go fucking in- _sane_ if I have to sit still until Leo's done. He's so thorough and careful, it's gonna take him aaaaall day to get this done."

"Well you want it to be perfect, don't you," said Leo serenely. 

"Perfect in art does not exist," said Mikey and waved him off. "Perfect is _sterile_ , perfect is _boring_. It's flaws that make things interesting."

"In vivo is usually a bit messy," Donnie agreed, patting Leo's shell. "Which is _perfectly_ normal."

"I do not know what that means and I do not care," Leo decided. "I prefer to strive for perfection in everything I do."

"And that's why you're such an asshole," said Raph, and Leo, very imperfectly, kicked at him feebly in retaliation. They snickered.

"It's fine though. I don't think I could make up my mind anyway," Mikey said with a shrug. "That's why the stickers are so great, they're less of a commitment. I mean even the nail polish only lasts like a day or two until I want something else."

"Ya sayin' if we didn't sharpie our names all over you you'd just scrub them off?" asked Raph, pointing a lazy finger to where the color of their signatures had bled out of the lines and into the keratin of Mikey's bright yellow plastron. It looked, honestly, far from perfect.

Mikey looked down, rubbing a hand over where Leo's name was written over his abdominal scutes in what had been blue, but was now faded to grey. A touch-up would soon be in order. "No," he said. "It's like the one thing in my life that's always gonna stick with me. Y'know? You're my brothers. Even if it weren't for, like, us being mutants and all and we'd live like regular people—you'd always be part of me."

All three of them aww'ed a little and huddled closer for a group hug that Mikey very happily accepted. That was how Splinter found them a little later.

"My sons," he said fondly, sitting down on the completely empty second couch. "I'm happy to see you're getting along but I can't help but wonder what brought this on? So we might repeat it in the future."

"What's that Donnie called it, _'bonding over shell embellishments in mutant turtles_?'" asked Raph, who had a lazy arm slung over Mikey on one side and was leaning against Leo's side on the other. 

"Something like that," said Donnie. To their father, he said, "My brothers have discovered the possibility of body modifications."

"Oh," said Splinter, expression falling and whiskers drooping.

"Just paint!" Leo was quick to reassure their poor old Dad. "For example, I thought I might like Hokusai's _Great Wave_? Like... all over here." He gestured over his plastron and breast plate. 

"Fist: Lame because the totally obvious choice. Second, geez, request van Gogh's _Starry Night_ , why dontcha," said Mikey, who had no doubts about his artistic abilities, which also meant he knew what he could realistically do.

"You could trace it," Leo said sheepishly. "I know it's an elaborate piece."

Splinter sighed. "As long as it's just paint I suppose don't mind, but I _really_ don't like the idea of you boys putting holes into your bodies, or—worse even!—getting tattoos."

"Aw, come on, Dad," Mikey said. "I know it's like, super taboo in Japan, but nobody's gonna see us and assume we're Yakuza. On account of nobody, like, ever _seeing_ us."

"I might," Splinter said sullenly. "And I do."

"Pretty sure if someone saw us, them thinkin' us was _Yakuza_ would be an improvement," Raph muttered, who had always wanted tattoos. "So I don't really see why—"

"Don't worry about it, Dad," Leo said, pointedly, over him. "How would we get tattoos anyway?"

"I mean, I could—" Donnie began, but shut his beak when Leo gave him a _look_. "No tattoos, right," he said instead. "Of course."

Splinter smiled a little. "I'm glad you see reason," he said. "I wouldn't want you boys to make a decision at a young age you might later come to regret."

"Of course not, Dad," said Leo.

Donnie caught Raph's eye over Leo and Mikey's heads, and Raph silently raised his brows. Donatello gave a little smile.

What was being a teenager good for if not a little rebellion? Raph would get his tattoos if he really wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl I love the tattoos from Bayverse, however unrealistic they are. But, gosh, Leo has a turtle shell bracelet. How fucking adorable is that?


	2. Meawhile Raph thinks nobody notices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever, oh, I dunno, try to fix a chapter, let's say, 8, and you end up writing a lot, and then realize that it doesn't fot the tone at _all_ so you cut all of it out again, but you also kinda like what you wrote, and then you're like, fine, I'll edit this until it can be its own little thing, and then post it to your Spinoff fic?
> 
> This is that. Set somewhere before chapter 6 of TWS.

Over breakfast, Michelangelo was making faces at Donatello, who didn't know how to decipher this. He tried smiling at him, which earned him a facepalm, and then frowning, to which Mikey rolled his eyes and grabbed his phone to type something. 

"Michelangelo!" Splinter said. "No phones at the table."

Mikey moaned, but he put his phone back into his pocket and ate his cereal. He stared at Donnie across from him imploringly. 

Confused and not able to solve the problem with the data available, Donnie instead focused on his own breakfast. After, he helped clear the table, setting the dirty dishes down for Leonardo, who was on dish washing duty. 

"Thanks," said Leonardo politely, hands down in the suds and scrubbing away. "Hey, do you think you'll ever get that dishwasher fixed for us?"

"Oh!" said Donatello. "Yes, of course. Thanks for reminding me, I had totally forgotten—" 

He fished out his phone from his pocket to write himself a reminder, only to see...

Mikey  
> i gotta talk to u bro

"Oh," said Donatello again, to his phone this time. "Of course."

"Hm?" asked Leonardo.

"Nothing," said Donatello. "Well, I better get to it, then! No time like the present." 

He hopped away quickly, peeking into the corner of the bunk bed after not seeing his little brother in the living room. Raph was up there on his phone, looking up when Donatello rounded the corner. 

"What's up?" he asked.

"Where's Mike?" 

"Uh." Raph half-rose to peek down below his own bunk, saw it empty and then shrugged. "Dunno. With Dad?"

"Hm," said Donnie, and skipped away again. Instead of checking Dad's or Leo's room (possible but statistically unlikely), it occurred to him to just head to the lab. Indeed, Mikey was already there, sitting on his desk chair, swiveling in circles and on his phone at the same time. Even to Donatello, he radiated nervous energy. 

"Hey," said Donnie softly, closing the door behind him. "What's up?"

"Dee, I am losing my _mind_ ," said Mikey, and instead of stopping, pushed himself off the table for another rotation with even more energy. How he wasn't making himself sick was beyond Donatello.

"How can I help?" he asked as he came over, leaning himself against his work bench. 

" _What_ is going on with Raph?" asked Mikey, finally slowing down and stopping, only to wobble even sitting down. "It's driving me _insane_."

"Uhm," said Donnie politely while he tried to remember if there had been any fights... or at least, fights that were out of the ordinary. Raph could clash with his brothers, but while Leo usually stood up to him, Mikey was more concerned for the harmony in their family and would usually let things slide—unless, of course, _he_ was the one pranking and teasing them. And Raph, especially.

But the past weeks, there hadn't been much reason for tension. Raph had actually been very quiet, _withdrawn_ even—

"Oh," said Donnie, realizing that this was weirdly out of character for their loudest brother and thus, a rhetorical question on Mikey's part. "What _is_ going on with Raph?" he asked, because Mikey obviously knew, and Donnie didn't. 

"It's this Casey thing, isn't it?" said Mikey, agitated but regulating his voice into something secretive. "I swear to god if those two don't talk this out I'm gonna—I dunno, lock them into a hotel room with only one bed or something!"

"'Casey thing,'" Donnie repeated slowly, trying to think what had recently happened that involved Casey and Raph. "Jog my memory?"

"Ugh, Casey came out as bi, remember?" Mikey said impatiently. "And it _so_ threw Raph! He was so awkward for _weeks_ after."

"Oh, yes." Donnie nodded a little. "I seem to remember that. He was a bit more jumpy than usual."

"And then he got over it and I honestly thought that would be it!" Mikey threw up his arms. "But now he like, came out the other end and I'm pretty sure he's realizing he's gay or whatever."

"Hm." Donnie rubbed his chin, looking at Mikey contemplatively. "You think so?"

"I mean, _something's_ up. I dunno what else it would be," Mikey lamented. "And I don't think Leo or Dad notice and it's driving me _nuts_! Why's it only me? Is everyone else _blind_?!"

"No, you're just more perspective than the rest of us, so it seems that way to you," Donnie said mildly. He was firmly rooted at the other side of the spectrum, and was honestly very glad he had a little brother he could rely on to pick up on things—especially because said little brother always came to him to talk, too. Donnie was very lucky to synergize with him like this.

Mikey sighed, long suffering. "Fine, but what do I _do_?" he asked his big brother who always had all the answers.

"Well," said Donnie carefully. "Have you talked to him?"

Mikey scoffed, and Donnie chuckled a little.

"Fair," he said. "Well. Okay. He's not gonna talk to you, but regardless, let's just hypothesize that he is, indeed, figuring out some sort of queer identity—that's a _very_ personal topic, Mikey. I don't think it would be very polite to barge in on that."

"But I could _help_ him," Mikey whined. "He's gonna take for- _ever_ and he's only gonna be hung up over stupid shit like, 'oh no, being gay is _gay_.'" He dropped his pitch imitating Raph, making Donnie snort a laughter he tried to hide behind a hand.

"Maybe," he said quickly. "But I think it's a necessary introspection he needs to go through. You know him... He needs time to himself. He doesn't like voicing things until he has figured out where he stands. I'm pretty sure when he's ready, he'll talk to you. Or Casey, or me, maybe even Dad."

"I cannot help but notice you left out Leo," said Mikey with a knowing little grin, and Donnie shrugged. 

"I'm pretty sure Leo is just about as uncomfortable talking about interpersonal stuff as he is. Maybe even more because Raph _knows_ he's emotional even when he tries to hide it, but Leo thinks it's best not to have emotions at all."

"Gosh. We need a therapist," said Mikey. "I know I do, if I have to look at his big dumb face looking so goddamn lost any longer. I just wanna—I dunno, grab him and shake him and tell him it's fine to like guys. Or maybe just cuddle him into oblivion. _Something_."

"Keep that in mind," said Donnie with a smile. "I think you'll need to employ those physical affection skills of yours before you know it."

"Yeah," Mikey sighed and rubbed his neck. "Can _I_ get a hug?" he then asked sullenly, pouting up at his brother with big eyes. 

Donnie chuckled a little. "Of course, dummy," he said, and accepted Michelangelo into his arms for a hug. Mikey jumped up and smushed his face against his brother's breast plate. 

Donnie held him, and rested his chin on top of Mikey's head, thinking up things to say for when Raph would, indubitably, turn up on his doorstep with a _lot_ of questions.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first unfinished thing I'm dumping here. it was a different take on chapter 7 and how to get Raph and Mikey to the whole shell care thing -- ultimately i cut all of this out because it was just too... well, dark? i guess? for the overall tone and while Raph has a lot of brooding to do I really didn't like the severity of it. so, uhm, very slight cw for (kinda accidental) self harm.
> 
> that said -- it's such a good scene for Mikey, and it includes a bunch of Leo as well, and I always feel like the brothers get cut out the most in my process, which is not on purpose but doesn't make me happy either. But since I have this fic to dump stuff in that I had to cut out despite really liking it, why not use it?
> 
> i included the start of chapter 7 as it is because it helps the readability i guess. it ends abruptly but if i try to come up with a proper ending that's time that goes away from the main story, sorry. have fun with this messy WIP.

Leo stood in the middle of the lair, hands on his hips. Everything was like always: Dad was tending to his bonsai in their little garden nook. The maple had looked a bit sad, then Don had tweaked something about the daylight lamps, and now it was flourishing. Dad was very proud. (Of the bonsai,  _ and _ Donatello in equal measures.) Mikey was at the table drawing, humming along to the soundtrack of Donnie trying out glitches to work on his Mario speedrun. 

That left just one thing. It was  _ also _ like it always was, but Leo didn't  _ like _ it. 

"Where's Raph?" he asked, frowning. 

"Haven't seen him since breakfast," said Donnie, without looking up. 

Leo turned to Mikey expectantly.

"What?" asked Mikey as he felt his brother's peering gaze. "What am I, his nanny? Why would  _ I _ know where he is?"

"Michelangelo," said Leo sternly.

"Leonardo!" Mikey answered back, throwing up his arms.

"Donatello!" Donnie piped in cheerfully. Leo wheeled around to him with a scowl and Donnie ducked his head and snickered. 

"Well if nobody knows where he is he failed to give any notice of his departure," Leo sighed. "And that's against the  _ rules _ ."

"Relax, it's not like he has a lot of places to go," said Donnie. " I bet he's only at Casey's."

"What's he doing there all the time?" asked Leo, exasperated. "At this hour?"

"Just dudes being bros," muttered Mikey to himself, finishing a line on his comic and then looking up at Leo. "Dude, you gotta stop being so anal. He didn't leave. He's just in the pool. Relax."

Leo squinted at him. "So you  _ did _ know where he is!"

"Uhm,  _ duh _ ? Of course I do. I'm Mikey."

Leo stared at Mikey and Mikey stared back at Leo. Then Leo threw his arms up in surrender, shook his head and went to the bathroom to check.

He knocked, because he was polite, but when he didn't hear an answer, he pushed the door open regardless. A wall of steam hit him, and he blinked the moisture away. 

The bathroom was spacious because it was communal. They had four showers (water lines, at least, were nothing they ever had too little of) and they had dug a deep hole into the floor that all four of them could fit into as a tub, or maybe a pool. When they'd been younger they had still had a lot of animal instincts, and being fully submerged was definitely one especially for Donatello and Raphael. Mikey and Leo enjoyed the water a lot, but had a bit less of an inclination to go under. Nevertheless, pool time had been a treasured bonding time when they'd been little. 

As they grew older, the animal instincts lessened, and it happened less and less that they'd spend time together in or around their little pool. 

As Leo stood in the doorway, he felt a distinct pulling of nostalgia, followed by immediate worry for his brother, because what was going on that Raph felt the urge to vanish underwater for the entire morning?

As it were, the tub was filled to the brim with water, but nothing but a dark shadow at the bottom hinted that Raphael was indeed there. 

Leo slowly walked over, careful to put just enough weight into his steps to know the vibration would carry through the floor and to Raph. They had excellent tremor sense, especially underwater. 

Leo stopped when he saw the shadow in the water stir, air bubbles rising up to the surface. Raph came up a little bit, and but not completely. 

He said something under water that, to Leo, sounded like, "Blurg blay," but held the definite tone of  _ go away _ . 

"Have you been in here all morning?" asked Leo. 

Raph hesitated a moment, then another burst of bubbles rose up and he poked his head out of the surface just so. "What?" he asked, blinking his second eyelids away. 

"Have you been in there all morning?" Leo asked again. 

Raph frowned at him. "What's it to you?"

"Nothing," said Leo slowly. "Kinda rude to occupy the bathroom like this though."

"If Mikey's gotta pee he can do it with me in here," said Raph, already inhaling to go back under. 

Leo was quicker. "Are you okay?" he blurted.

Raph stopped mid-dive. "Why?" he asked suspiciously, a disgruntled huff of air stirring the surface of the water.

Leo grimaced and shrugged and gestured a little at the pool without finding words. 

Raph looked at the offending pool. He very obviously worked on his reply because it took a moment until he said, very deliberately, "Just trying to get time away from  _ you _ ." He stared up at Leo defiantly. "After all you hate it when I leave, so this is all I got, yeah? Thanks for ruining that, by the way."

Leo frowned. He knew it was a barb and just said to hurt him, to get a rise out of him that Raph could counter, to fight him. 

Leo breathed and let it go. "Okay," he said, appeasing. "Any new diving record yet?"

"No," Raph said. "An' it ain't gonna happen as long as you stand there and yap."

"Alright," said Leo, smiled a little against the hurt he felt, and left. 

He closed the door behind him. 

Raph watched for a moment longer, suspicious. But Leo left him alone. 

"Mh," said Raph into the silence, and put his beak and snout back under the surface. He blew bubbles out of his nose just for the heck of it. He'd been in the water for a couple of hours, and it had helped a little against the nagging anxiety he felt, but now the water was cold and Leo had woken him up from a light snooze. 

Raph dove under again and closed his eyes, willing the calm from earlier to come back, but the magic was gone. 

Life had been fuckin' confusing for Raph in the past few months and he didn't even exactly know why. But something was off, something was different, and apparently everyone around him  _ noticed _ , Dad and Mikey and now even Leo, and that was what freaked Raph out the most. It was one thing to deal with things in the isolation of his own head, but not it was starting to cause ripples and Raph didn't even really know what  _ 'it' _ was!

He'd hoped talking to Casey would help, because that usually helped with just about anything, but it  _ hadn't _ .

So Raph had raked up his courage and talked to Donnie, because Donnie usually had all the answers. But after a few days of mulling it over, he hadn't really reached a conclusion. It felt more like he had a whole lot of new stuff to be confused about. 

Casey was bi. That was okay, that was fine, even if Casey was  _ now _ almost as in-your-face with it as Mikey. And he was so fuckin' casual about it, too. Like it was no big deal. 

What had Donnie said? It shouldn't be a big deal, but the reality was more complicated.

That was probably it.

But...

Was this really still about Casey?

And what if it wasn't...?

Deciding he needed to punch something and  _ bad _ , Raph lumbered out of the pool and grabbed his towel (color-coded for your convenience) to dry off. Maybe Leo would be up for some sparring, that usually was a good way to get his mind off things. 

As he stood there, rubbing roughly at his skin, he remembered something that had happened a while ago. Donnie, looking at him with a softness that was nothing but  _ ignorant _ , saying, 'Your shell is the most neglected of all of us, Raphie.'

Raph grimaced at his reflection in the mirror over his own sink. Well,  _ fuck _ him, right? Stupid soft-shell. What did  _ he _ know about shell care? Donnie could bend at the waist, after all, he could reach his! Wasn't Raph's fault that he grew up different. He'd always been the biggest of them, first to grow muscle mass and the accompanying weight once puberty hit. All of that plus the shell (which in itself was probably as heavy as Mikey, with how thick it was, and that was nothing but bone plating; big bones indeed!) meant Raph was large. 

Donnie was taller, but he was lanky and only half as broad as Raph. And his stupid tiny little shell was flexible and leathery and soft and Raph basically ran around with a metric  _ fuckton  _ on his back. Half of Raph's upper body strength was probably just too keep him upright! 

And now they wanted him to, what, come up with a routine for that thing, that stupid thing that kept him from lying on his back, that ripped holes into any sort of clothes he tried to wear above the waist, that made him the only one who couldn't fit through April's window anymore—! 

Raph tried and twisted before the tiny mirror, pawing irritably at the lip of his shell where it produced over his shoulders. Damn thing didn't even serve a purpose! Leo and Mikey could retract; so what if Leo hadn't actually done that since he was seven because he considered it "undignified," he could do it as well as Mikey (who called it "homey")—and  _ Donnie _ might as well just have a spine like a human; Raph was an outlier among them. He had never thought about it but apparently his  _ brothers _ did without ever telling him and for some reason, atop all the other insecurities Raph had been feeling for a while now, right now, his shell was the last drop in a barrel of vague body dysphoria that burst. 

Before he knew what he was doing, he had punched his reflection in the mirror. 

The glass cracked. Raph unclenched his fist. Shards were stuck in his knuckles. He grimaced, more from inconvenience than pain. The pain was feeling kind of good, the sudden shock of it dulled the anger and confusion he felt and gave him something to focus on. 

God...  _ dammit _ . It had been a long while since Raph had actually  _ broken anyt _ hing. 

Raph stood there, bleeding into the sink for a moment. It wasn't bad, he was still wet and thus the blood ran more freely than it would have otherwise. Raph knew a thing or two about busted knuckles. 

It wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. 

Why did he feel so bad? 

\--

  
  


When Leo had come out of the bathroom, it was without Raph in tow so that probably meant he was still in the pool, brooding. 

Mikey watched as Leo, ill at ease with his (alleged) little brother being so moody, sat down on the couch with Donnie, asking him idle questions about his speedrun only for the sake of conversation. Leo wasn't good with not being able to solve problems, and Raph was basically a problem on legs, and that was Blue and Red's relationship in a nutshell. 

Mikey kept carefully inking his comic (a six page special about superheroes in New York; so what if originality was dead!) and kept one ear on the conversation behind him. 

In the middle of a sentence, Donnie stopped himself, perked up and yelled, "Hydrochloric acid!" and made a mad dash for the lab without stopping to pause the game or putting the controller down. 

Leo remained sitting on the couch, looking as pitiable and sad as their TV alerting him that the controller connectivity was lost. 

Mikey put his nib pen aside and carefully blew on his page for the ink to dry. "Hey, Leo?" he asked. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Hn?" muttered Leo, straightening. Duty called! He was so transparent, Mikey had to smile to himself as he half-turned on his chair. 

"Yeah," he said, "I need, uhm—" He glanced at the table and his collection of art supplies. "—a new brush pen," he decided. "Can you go grab one for me?"

Leo frowned unhappily. "Can't you go yourself?" he asked. 

"But Leo!" Mikey whined. "Beehive brain! By the time I'm back I'll be out of the flow and then I'll  _ never _ finish my comic—"

"Okay, okay, fine," said Leo, powerless against both Don's and Mikey's "but my brain!" excuses. He got up from the couch to walk over to where Mikey was sitting to let him show what kind of pen it was he needed. 

"And this one's not working?" Leo asked, suspiciously, making a grab for the pen Mikey was holding. 

"Yes," said Mikey, snatching it out of his brother's reach. "It's impenative you get me a new one. Right now."

"I think you mean  _ imperative _ ," said Leo. He already was smiling again a little. He probably was looking right through Orange's little stunt to get him out of his head, but if he did, he played along regardless. 

"No, Leo," said Mikey seriously. "Im- _ pen- _ ative. Get it?"

"Kami," muttered Leo. "I'm leaving now. I can't be in the same room as you right now."

"In a better universe, you'd share my taste for puns!" Mikey called cheerfully after him as he left. 

Mikey sat for a moment longer, cherishing the silence. With Leo and Don busy, it was time to check on Raph.

Xx

"Hey Raph, you okay in there?"

"Uh," came Raph's voice, muffled from the inside. 

"That's not a valid answer; it's a yes or no question, Raph."

"Where do we keep the first aid? Wasn't it in here somewhere?"

"No, it's in the dojo. Raph, what did you do? I'm coming in."

Puberty had been a bitch to Raphael, moreso than his brothers. Once he'd hit twelve, Raph had become irritable and a slave to his own emotions, and had remained such for the better part of five years or so. Splinter's unending patience with his most troubled child alone was probably to thank for that it had never gotten worse. 

As it were, Raph busting his own knuckles open wasn't new. But it also hasn't happened in a long enough time that Mikey, when he saw his big brother standing there sheepishly in the bathroom, bleeding into the sink and the mirror broken, was honestly a little surprised. 

"Oh,  _ Raph _ ," he said tenderly, and carefully came closer. Raph didn't yell at him or draw away, so Mikey carefully took his hands in his own. The cuts weren't deep. He'd need forceps to get to all the glass shards though. 

Mikey didn't judge, didn't ask what happened, he knew better than that. Besides, Mikey had an inkling about what was going on, anyway. Nothing concrete, because Raph didn't talk about his emotions, but Mikey wasn't blind or deaf. So he just said, "Don's in the lab and Leo's out. Go sit in the kitchen, I'll grab the first aid kit—"

"I don't want Dad to know," said Raph. If Mikey entered the dojo, Dad would notice and ask about it. 

"Raph," Mikey started to say, looking up at him with a frown, but Raph looked so guilty that Mikey sighed. "You broke a mirror," he said, "they'll  _ all _ know." - "But fine, sit down, I'll see if Donnie has forceps I can borrow."

"Thanks," said Raph, looking relieved and guilty. 

Xx

"Don't beat yourself up," said Mikey, carefully picking up glass shards from Raph's knuckles. His rough, scaly skin made it both harder and easier at the same time; they didn't tear their skin as easily as humans, but that meant that when they did, it was easily worse. The glass shards were stuck between Raph's scales and Mikey needed to wriggle the tweezers to get them loose sometimes. 

Raph grunted. He didn't flinch or pull away. His pain threshold had always been the highest of all of them. He would muscle through anything, seeing it as a challenge. 

"I don't assume you wanna talk about it," said Mikey conversationally. He asked for his own sake, because his big brother had hurt himself, however accidentally, and Mikey needed to know what was going on, how he could help, if he could help at all. 

To his surprise, Raph shrugged gently, careful not to jostle his hands. "Ya ever hate yerself?" he asked sullenly. 

Mikey stared at their hands and thought,  _ not like you do, no. _

He didn't say anything. 

The silence helped Raph sort his thoughts a little. "I dunno, I just... started thinkin', I guess, and then I got angry at myself, and when I get angry I punch stuff. So I punched the mirror." He snorted a humorless laugh through his nose. "Actually kinda glad it was just that because for a second there, I thought I might just rip the sink off the wall, so, small victories, huh?"

He smirked at Mikey, with something like tentative hope in his eyes. Mikey managed a tiny smile in return. If Raph was able to joke around, however sardonically, that was a good sign. And he was talking, he was actually talking. 

"Sometimes," Mikey said, and his voice was soft and tiny, "sometimes I laugh even though I don't mean to, and I hate that. Usually Leo or you will say something that's super important, and I'm like, don't fuck this up now, you gotta be responsible about this, this is important, and it freaks me out so much that I get so tense and panicky that all I can do is laugh, and I know that makes you and Leo think that I'm not taking things seriously, and I hate that. I hate that. Because I do, I just can't help myself sometimes. I wish I were different but I'm not, so I guess I just have to deal with it."

  
  


xx

"Hn," said Raph, and watched as Mikey pulled out the last tiny glass shard and took Raph's hands up against the light to make super sure there wasn't anything left. It looked good though, and the corners of the cuts already were light green and healing. The mutagen cocktail in their bodies gave them incredible healing power, so much that Donnie had once jokingly mentioned they should probably not donate blood to any humans lest it turned them into turtles.

By the end of the day the wound wouldn't be visible anymore. If Raph just wore his gloves all day, nobody would notice anything. 

"Dodged a bullet there, huh," said Raph, apparently thinking the same. He surveyed his knuckles. "Pretty sure Leo 'n Dad woulda tear me a new one."

"Because they  _ worry _ ," said Mikey. "Why do you always think it's criticism when people worry about you?"

Raph sniffed a little and said nothing as Mikey cleaned and disinfected the tweezers.

"I know it probably doesn't help much," said Mikey as he worked. "But we all love you way more than you could ever hate yourself. You know that, right?" 


End file.
